Stream-of-consciousness...
I know everyone can relate to the statements, "I've been busy," or, "I've been tired," whether now or looking at another time of your lives. I know that's what I keep telling myself. But as I keep telling myself that I'm tired and busy, I reflect more and more on what God is telling me that I am not hearing because I cannot stop listening to myself make excuses.
Certainly, if I I had faith in God's complete omnipotence, I would be able to take part in a daily or weekly spiritual discipline... right? I would have faith that all of my work would be completed and that I would have time for everything... right? But now, as I read over everything I just wrote, I realize that I can't stop using the word I.
We all know the issue with that.
Our Lord and Father is the only one who can take care of the things in our lives completely. He's the one who can help us finish all of our work and our tasks and our this-and-thats that apparently need to be done for us to be functional. I know that when I'm loaded with work, and my to-do list seems neverending, I feel an identity threat--like I cannot be myself and my life will not work out properly if I don't get these things done. Sounds silly, right?
Oh, Lord God, please help me to recognize your hand in my life and know that spending time with you is never wasted. Please help me recognize that my work will be completed because it's not my work at all--it's your work in the world, and you've just placed me here as your servant. Allow me to have the heart of a servant to you and to this world, Father. Allow me to have a life like Christ, wanting to serve others with a clean heart.
Create in me a clean heart, O God
and renew a right spirit within me
Cast me not away from thy presence, O Lord
and take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
and renew a right spirit within me
(a song that I learned as a child... I remember when I found something almost identical in the Bible and was filled with joy... as a child! Lord, restore your joy in my heart for your mission.)
May you discipline me as our spiritual walk grows deeply. Today. Not next month. Today.
Amen.
Thank you for sharing. Your words took the very thoughts out of my own feelings and experiences. I had a busy day...a busy month... and it just hit me about 20 minutes ago that today is the last day of September, and my heart sunk when I realized I had not been very disciplined. I've definitely struggled this month with the balance between feeling like I'm not getting enough on my "to-do" list done and feeling like I'm way to obsessed about getting items on my "to-do" list scratched off but missing the whole point... that its not my work at all... just like you said, it's our Father's work we should be about. Grrrr... why can't I remember that? Why am I so easily distracted and caught up into the flow of busy life. My hope rests in God's faithfulness; that I've been here before and He calls me out of my self-focusedness again and again; and that He can create in me a clean heart and restore in me a right spirit.
ReplyDeleteAh, I relate all too well, too!
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