Fasting

Phew. This month has been so different than the previous two as far as spiritual disciplines are concerned!

I felt a small sense of relief when November arrived. Fasting was something tangible. I could actually make sure that I fasted as opposed to hopelessly trying to get my thoughts to settle and meditate on scripture each week. I thought the month would be fairly easy.

Was I ever wrong!!

My first day of fasting came with much anticipation. I was excited and packed my Bible and journal in my bag to make sure I used up any extra time in the word and in prayer. Yet, schedule changes made it so I had no time all day.

In the evening I was irritable and less patient with my husband. He asked if it had to do with my fasting. I broke down in tears. I said yes. My head hurt. I was hungry. And I didn't even get extra time in prayer and the scriptures.

I have had consistent issues with headaches in the past, so I've always used that as an excuse to avoid fasting. But, this month I wanted to tackle it. I knew it'd be difficult to make it through the day skipping two meals, but I thought it would be worth it.

However, as headaches have hit, I've begun to wonder what's the point? I've tried sticking to a strict fast, but have learned that maybe sticking to the letter of the law (once again!!) defeats the purpose of the spirit of the law. Maybe I could switch to a vegetables and water diet when I'm fasting? Maybe I could include soup once a day? Maybe, maybe, maybe. When these suggestions pop up, I inevitably feel like a failure. I feel that I've failed to "complete" the task at hand. I feel like I've shrunk away from the challenge and have instead opted for something easier.

And so defeat slinks in and I want to throw my hands up in the air and wonder why I fast at all!!

Yet, I want to continue to fast (admittedly, perhaps a variation of fasting). I believe I'll see changes in my spiritual life through the continual and consistent practice of fasting... not through a haphazard, once-in-a-blue-moon kind of way.