Clinging to Faith

Clinging to Faith...

This is how I would describe my life over the past 3 months. Tuesday May 7th 2013, a week after I moved home from university I received a phone call that changed my life. Rushing to the hospital reality had not sunk in. Sitting in the waiting room...waiting...waiting...waiting, reality still refusing to sink into my heart. He was going be fine, sure we may loose the car, maybe he would have broken some bones, but by my dad would be okay...he's always okay.

Hours pass, more church family arrive, the waiting room is now full of Christians on their knees praying. My friends from school, at home, oversees, all praying.

First surgeon comes out, his blood is not clotting, his heart has stopped twice, he has serious internal damage. Hours pass. Second Surgeon comes out, I can hear the hopelessness in his voice, he seems to have already given up. Reality comes crashing down. I remember crying out to God with my mom, my sister, and my church family - Lord you can do anything, you have raised the dead, you can save my dad from this awful accident...but that evening our Sovereign Lord chose to take my dad home to Glory.

Since then life has been about clinging to His word, His promises, and His love....and I can confidently say that His love IS real in every circumstance...but needless to say my life has been a roller coaster. When I got Viv's email about the spiritual disciplines, my first thought was...will I have time for this? I start practicum in September, teachers college has been busy, should I commit to more? But another part of me screamed this is exactly what I need! This month my spiritual discipline is going to be prayer. I have lots of questions to wrestle with God on prayer, and I am excited to see how God reveals Himself to me through my journey of seeking him more.

Looking forward to walking this journey with all of you!

PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN... oh yeah. and pray.

First things first. I'm really excited about this year of spiritual disciplines.
With that excitement comes a huge urge to micromanage and plan every minute of my spiritual disciplines schedule. PLEASE PRAY that I will resist that urge!
My first spiritual discipline I would like to develop is prayer. I'm not really sure how it's going to go, but I remember times in my life where I was consistent in long periods of prayer each day, and I LOVED it. So I'm hoping the same for this month, and that it's not going to go away after the month is done.
The plan I set up is pretty simple, and definitely not a big undertaking... but I think I need that. I don't want my prayer life to be scheduled to the second and have it be a checklist. I want it to be something that consistently re-directs my gaze back on Christ, something that helps me see His goodness and moves me to enter into creating goodness with Him.

Peacefully Uncertain

As I stopped for a moment to reflect on the name I've chosen for my blog posts, I realized it is very true in one sense, and not so true in another.

The future IS uncertain. So much is in transition. I'm not going back to school this fall for the first time in 16 years. I have absolutely no idea where I will be working this immediate year and even less of an idea as to what I will be doing next year (ie. heading back to school in the hopes of pursing a specific career; continuing working at the job I have yet to get; moving...who knows?). And (most excitingly!) I am about to discover the unknown territory of married life.

All of these things are uncertain. And yet I am at peace. And here is where my title is not so true. As I sat pondering why I am at peace it hit me that its because I am certain about the most important thing: Christ is at the center of where I am now and He is at the center of where I am headed. But I know my self and my flesh. Keeping Christ at the center doesn't come naturally; its a battle; everyday. And when I think about the number of times Paul wrote about training and discipline and endurance (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Hebrews 12:1-3&11, Ephesians 6:10-18) I am definitely convicted that sometimes I take this battle a little too lightly.

As I was considering whether I would partake in this project or not I thought of all the uncertainties; I have no idea how busy I will be this year or whether I should wait and save my time to commit to a spiritual project my husband and I decide to do as a couple, etc. etc. But the conviction that rang true was that no matter where I am in life; busy or married or whatever it is; one thing remains certain: I need to stay steadfastly dependent on God. I am excited that during this transition year I will not be forgetting to stop and pursue and feed the patterns in my life that draw me closer to Christ.  

      Before everything gets even crazier than it already seems to be getting. I want to be really honest. I am not sure on which spiritual disciplines I want to work on but I like being a part of this because it keeps me accountable.
This is a year of NEW and BIG changes in my life. So Im excited but a little scared about what it might bring.
I will be working on campus and probably joining a traveling choir ... so Ill tell you more about it as it gets closer.

Can't Forget This

Weekday Philosophy

     People keep telling me, "This is it- this is the big year! Your last year... what are you going to do when you graduate?"
     And there it is, that question. The Question, as a matter of fact, for almost every college senior: what, exactly, are you going to do with what you've worked so hard for the the past four years?
     It is, to be honest, my least favorite thing to hear. Because it's a question that I have no answer for, no clever, scathing remark (and trust me, clever, scathing remarks normally come easily to me). I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate. I don't have the answers. And that, friends, is frightening. Not deep down, gut-wrenchingly frightening (not yet), but intimidating. And it's something that I spend a lot of time (not) thinking about.
     And then Viv opened this door: spend some time with God this year, she said. Find something deeper than yourself, than your worries. And my first thought was, 'who has the time?' I've got classes to attend, a job, clubs to run, exams to take, grad schools to apply to... the list seems endless. Classes hadn't even started, and already there was no time for God in my life. And that's when I realized: maybe that was the problem. The Problem, if you will. Because as much as I'll claim that I'm a Christian who puts God first, how often does that actually happen?
     So, everyone, here I am, searching for God in my everyday, insane life, trying to sort myself out and find, not what I think I want, but what God wants for me. I'm just your average WeekdayPhilosopher, looking for the answers... hopefully in the right places, this time.

Audere est Facere – to Dare is to DO

     As a kid during the childhood game of truth or dare, I was typically the child that chose the “truth” option of the game. Always figuring that I could never embarrass myself too much if I shared a truth; I opted for what I believed was the safer route. Spiritual Discipline in my life has always been like the “truth” aspect of this trivial game. I understood it, and even took a college course on it, but maybe didn’t spend the focus I should have on each discipline. Now, I am daring myself to push deeper into the disciplines and experience them in a whole different way than I would have ever felt comfortable doing. 

     When I was younger the dare option was so unknown. If I were to choose a dare over sharing a truth, I would be exposed to the potential of having to perform some embarrassing act that could potentially have altered people’s thoughts about me. One of the many definitions of the word dare is, “to have the courage to venture, or try.” I have grown to note that I cannot just stay in my rut of what I believe is comfortable. Sometimes you have to try things that might push you outside of your comfort zone. This year is about breaking free from the norm, and checking out different disciplines that could really nurture my growth in Christ.

 I am Daring, daring myself to do.

A New Journey

September is just around the corner and I am filled with so many emotions. I can't believe summer is over. I can't believe that fall is creeping up. I know change is coming-- and coming soon. I'm a bit overwhelmed by my future at this point. Do I know exactly what it entails? No. But I'm slightly dreading this new season of waiting.

A season with extra time.
Lots of it.

I've always felt "too busy" to actually discipline myself in order to develop these disciplines. I've tried as I can and always figured that... at least I was trying. But really, is that what I'll come up with when asked why I haven't taken the time to do these incredible spiritual exercises?

So. Though I'm hesitant and not sure I'll enjoy this new season, I am super hopeful that I will meet and encounter Jesus in new and intimate ways this year. I'm excited for a virtual community to pray, laugh, talk and struggle together.

Oh, I'm excited for this new journey.

~Peanut