So I gave a homeless girl my hat yesterday. Whoop-de-doo.
I spent the day in Toronto and felt overwhelmed by all the homeless people sitting out in the cold. I felt super powerless to do anything and felt a horrible weight knowing that I was only cold because I had a 25 minute walk, while they were cold because they didn't have anywhere to go. I felt sick thinking about all the warm clothes, scarves, mittens, and hats sitting in my closet back home.
So when a young woman approached me asking for help and saying she was cold, I felt stuck. No, I didn't want to give her spare change. Oh, wait? You're cold. Do you want my hat? She gratefully accepted the hat. And I walked away feeling just an tiny bit smug. See, you are living more simply this month. You just parted with a possession... just like that.
And then I felt a gust of wind, and I bunched my scarf together, threw my coat hood up and thrust my gloved hands in my pockets. Why didn't I offer my scarf? Or my gloves? Or my coat?! Well, because that was my favourite scarf. And my warmest gloves. Besides, they're new. And the coat? That's ridiculous. Why would I give my coat away?
Then it just sunk deep into my heart that I wasn't operating out of a spirit of generosity in order to meet needs. I could easily give that hat... I didn't like that one that much anyway. Besides, I have four more at home. It was a gift that cost me nothing.
I still have so much to learn in this month of simplicity.
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